11 posts tagged “ongoing”

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CHAPTER TEN
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He was awake…he had been awake for quite a while actually. When they got him into the hospital, he could tell because of the strong smell of medicine and chemicals…when the doctor stitched up his lip, he could feel the needle poking in and out even though it was numb…when everyone had come running into his ward just to see him still supposedly unconscious. He could recognize each voice: Aiba sounding like he’s about to cry, Nino sounding like he was about to track down and beat up the guy who did this to him for no reason, Ohno who sounded on edge for once…the only one that didn’t speak was Jun.

Sho knew he was there though…even though he couldn’t open his eyes or move his mouth to speak, his other senses were working. He could smell Jun’s cologne even from a distance. But even after everything he had been through, his heart hurt more than anything else. Even when he tried to open his eyes just to see Jun’s face again, he couldn’t. They wouldn’t respond to him. So he had no choice but to just listen. “What did Johnny-san say about this? You talked to him right?” asked Aiba. “Yeah, he heard about it and immediately called me. I…didn’t really know how to explain what happened, so he told me to call him as soon as Sho-kun wakes up,” Ohno sounded so distressed, Sho felt guilty.

“That bastard. I don’t know what happened but to hit Sho-kun like this…” Nino was agitated; he didn’t need his sight to know that. “Poor Sho-chan…I can’t look at him lying there like that,” said Aiba, his voice ragged and tired. “All I can say is, that idiot is lucky the police have him. If I get my hands on him…” Nino trailed off. “Jun-kun…are you okay?” Aiba asked, voice breaking down as he spoke but Jun didn’t reply.

“Well, let’s all get some rest, okay? We’ll come and see him later. I’ve asked Shachou to suspend our work just for today since…well, it just didn’t seem right to work while he’s like this,” Ohno was surprisingly taking charge of the others. If his mouth wasn’t still numb, he would’ve smiled. “I’ve asked the nurses to inform us if he wakes up, so don’t you guys worry, okay?” Aiba spoke up. Their voices were fading away now. He could hear shuffling of feet and clothes before the door was pulled shut.

There was only silence: just him and his thoughts. He had no idea what time it was or how he looked. Just as well…I don’t care anyway. When he had felt that man’s fist connect with his face, his only thought was on Jun. Not his family, not his friends…just Jun. Maybe he should’ve given the guy a chance to explain, to redeem himself and his actions. But he supposed pride got in the way: he had been angry and hurt to see someone else kiss those lips which he had selfishly thought belonged only to him.

There was not even a logical excuse that he could give. Jun wasn’t acting, or practicing for a scene when that woman kissed him. A part of him wondered who the woman was…the other part couldn’t care less. He hated to admit it to himself but he had simply been jealous. In amidst the shock and anger, he had just been jealous. If he could remain loyal, why couldn’t his lover do the same? ‘You know, deep down, that this will never work,’ Jun’s words rang in his head. That was the line that had hurt the most.

I know…I know but I still want to be with you. His ears picked up a soft sound in the silence. It was an exhale of breath, like a sigh only softer. He knew he wasn’t alone in the room as he felt a gentle touch on his left hand; quiet fingers curling around and holding onto his palm. Jun. His heart immediately, almost instinctively, knew. Sho merely stayed still, pretending to be asleep and completely unaware. Finally, he felt something else on his hand…something wet. A few moments ensued until he heard the sound of muffled tears.

Forcing his eyes to open, even a tiny bit, he could finally see Jun’s silhouette against the moonlit window. He was bent forward, shaking and his hands were clinging onto Sho’s. “I’m sorry…” he whispered. He had to respond: he squeezed Jun’s fingers. Immediately, Jun’s eyes flew up to his. “Sho! A-Are you okay? Does it hurt? Do you want me to get the nurse?” he asked, wiping his face with his free hand quickly. Sho shook his head. He still couldn’t move his mouth and his whole face was uncomfortably tingly. “I’ll let the nurses know you’re awake,” he said again, but Sho didn’t release his hold.

Again, he shook his head. “No? What is it?” Jun frowned, coming back to his side. Sho patted Jun’s hand, trying to tell him its okay. The other man sat down again, holding onto his fingers as if afraid he might disappear. “Does it hurt?” Jun asked now. Sho nodded once and then shook his head. “It hurts but it doesn’t?” Jun tried to guess. Sho gestured with his other hand, trying to tell Jun that it comes and goes.

Jun had that guilty look again. “I’m sorry, this was all my fault. I shouldn’t have let you go off like that. I knew I should’ve chased after you but…” he tried to search for words, lowering his face in guilt but Sho just squeezed his fingers again. Looking up, he could see his band member trying to smile, admittedly a bit awkward. “Don’t open up the stitches. The doctor said your lip got cut pretty bad. The guy who hit you wore some pretty sharp rings,” Jun gestured to his own lip, in an up-and-down motion. Sho nodded, stopping any further attempts to smile. It was silent again in the room, though Jun’s fingers were softly stroking the back of his hand.

“I was there, you know…when it happened. After you left me in the park, I felt lost and confused so I went back to the bar. I found Aiba-chan and Riida there, drinking. They were asking me where you were when you came crashing down the stairs and that big guy hit you. I wanted to hit him back but the police came and grabbed him before we had the chance to do anything,” Jun didn’t look at him as he explained what happened, “Aiba-chan…he probably had it the worst. Some of your blood had splattered on him because of the force of the punch and he just lost it. Riida was the one who called for an ambulance, while I could only stand there like an idiot.”

Sho made a mental note to console Aiba after he gets out of hospital. It suddenly made sense why his band member’s voice sounded so strained and ragged earlier. He shook his head at Jun again, telling him it wasn’t his fault but Jun only frowned again. He realized just how much he wanted to speak at that moment, the words he wanted to say but can’t. “You’re probably tired. You can go back to sleep, okay? Don’t worry about anything,” Jun tried to console him. He shook his head again, gesturing with his hands for Jun to go home and sleep.

But the younger man was adamant about staying. Even when Sho tried to tell him to go home again, he only responded with a shake of his head. Feeling the tiredness sink in, he couldn’t stand to argue with him anymore. His eyes grew heavy even though he still wanted to stare at those dark eyes. Forget about it, Sho…he doesn’t love you anymore, remember? His heart wrenched in its place again as he closed his eyes and turned his face away, finally sinking into a dreamless sleep.

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When he woke up again, it was just brightening outside. He could feel his spine throbbing as he lay there. Shifting slightly, he was surprised at how heavy his body felt…before he realized that there was an arm lying on his chest. Turning his head just a little, he saw Jun’s sleeping face leaning comfortably against his shoulder. He wasn’t sure how to react really. “Ah…um…” he tried. His mouth could move a little now, but he can feel the pain with each movement. He decided to try again, “J-Jun…”

Finally, Jun shifted, opening his eyes a little and squinting from the morning brightness. “Oh, good morning, Sho,” he said, whilst stifling a yawn. “Mm…morning,” Sho had to answer shortly and he couldn’t form some words well so they came out sounding weird, “You…slept here?” Jun frowned as he looked at where he slept, but he didn’t seem all that surprised. “Yeah, I borrowed your bed since sleeping in the chair hurt my back.”

Again, Sho didn’t know how to react. His heart was beating erratically so early in the morning and he was afraid Jun could hear it if it beat any harder against his chest. He was expecting the front of his shirt to pound according to his heartbeat or something. Jun was rubbing his eyes now like a small child who had just been wakened, stifling a yawn in the process. “No work today?” he asked now, in the midst of trying to sort out his thoughts. “Mm…Riida suspended work for today and Shachou agreed since you’re in hospital. Ah, I forgot to call them!” Jun bolted upright and grabbed his phone from the side table, but he still didn’t get off the bed.

As Jun busied himself with calling their group members, Sho could only lie still. His back was killing him and his mouth still felt fuzzy. The rest of my body is fine though, but I guess not being able to talk is a problem. A part of him wanted to go to work, feeling guilty for having everyone suddenly taking a day off. “They’re on their way here. Can I get you anything? A glass of water or some breakfast?” asked Jun, finally getting off the bed and fixing his sweatshirt. “Just water,” he replied. Jun nodded, heading into the ward bathroom to freshen up.

He’s not sure of anything anymore at this point. It was almost as if last night’s argument never happened…but if it didn’t, then why does his heart still hurt? Why were the memories in the park so vivid then, if it never happened? Sighing, he leaned his head back onto his pillow again, feeling more confused than before his lights were punched out. He didn’t want Jun to just act like everything’s fine and that they’re back to normal just because he wound up in hospital. If only he could talk, it would make things easier.

A nurse came bustling in right then, smiling as she fixed his sheets, took his temperature, check his pulse and asked him how he felt. He only managed to very small smile, as much as his lips would allow him to stretch to show friendliness. Responding with only an ‘okay’ to her question, she removed the thermometer and nodded: “No fever, Sakurai-san, that’s a good thing. I’ll deliver your medicine to you in half an hour or so, but do refrain from moving your back around too much and the less you talk or move that mouth, the better, hmm?”

Again, he nodded. She noted something on the clipboard hanging at the end of his bed and left. Deciding that staying in bed was eventually going to drive him insane, he went into the bathroom to freshen up.

“Sakurai-san,” the nurse knocked on the door, “Try not to get your stitches wet.” He rolled his eyes: they’re telling him that now? He replied with a short ‘mm’ and went ahead to shower anyway, careful of avoiding his entire head area. After a short struggle with the shower, he managed to wet his hair by tilting his head back.

After muttering a few choice curses as he attempted to brush his teeth, he finally emerged from the bathroom, more or less refreshed and dressed. “Sho-chan!” he heard a voice yell his name. Peering past the towel he had draped over his damp hair, he felt the strong hug around his shoulders before anything else. “A-Aiba-chan,” he answered, feeling his band member squeezing the air out of his lungs. “Careful, Aiba-san, he’s still injured, you know,” Nino spoke up, smiling at him. Aiba loosened his grip just a little, but refused to let go completely.

Sho had to practically tow him as he made his way towards the bed. “How do you feel, Sho-kun?” asked Ohno now, looking worried. “Okay, still hurts a bit. Can’t really talk,” Sho nodded as he settled his back against some pillows. Aiba had finally let go of him and had taken a seat nearby. “We’re just glad you’re okay,” Nino stated. “Sorry for the trouble,” he felt the guilt again. The other three started talking all at once, telling him it wasn’t his fault; that they were sorry they couldn’t have helped; that they’re just happy he was going to be okay and nothing serious actually happened.

The nurse came in again with a tray of food and medication, instructing him on how to take his painkillers. “Before that, we need to take a bit of your blood, is that alright? Are you afraid of needles?” she asked, as another nurse wheeled in a trolley of equipment for drawing blood. “Not really,” he shook his head but the other guys had mixed reactions. Aiba was fascinated, Ohno seemed blank and Nino sort of looked away as the nurse prepared his arm. She tapped at the joint and pressed against a raised nerve before sticking the needle in.

“Oh hey guys, you’ve arrived already,” Jun greeted at the doorway before he stopped to see what they were staring at. Sho was watching the nurse draw out a whole syringe full of his blood. “Okay, all done. Wait a few minutes first, Sakurai-san, then you can eat,” she smiled at him as she bowed at the others and left with the trolley. “That looked painful,” Jun commented. Sho tried to smile again as he shook his head, pressing the cotton swab the nurse had gave him to stop the bleeding. Honestly, it did hurt a bit, but he won’t admit that, ever.

They sat around, chatting lightly as they discussed what they’re going to do on their sudden day off while Sho tried to manoeuvre his mouth to eat properly. It wasn’t long before Jun took the chopsticks from him and started to feed bits of food into his mouth, careful to avoid the stitches. He was embarrassed but Jun was doing a better job of feeding him than him feeding himself. Soon the rest of them joined in on the fun, feeding him the vegetables, the miso soup, the rice and the fish in turn. He wanted to laugh but he didn’t want to spill his meal.

They hung around for a while, chatting and relaxing as Sho sipped tea through a straw and Jun fed him some red jelly with a spoon. “So can you tell us, in short sentences, what exactly happened yesterday?” asked Nino now. Sho tried to explain, slowly and in between spoonfuls of jelly, what had happened between him and that goon, promptly leaving his argument with Jun part out. It seemed that only Aiba knew the real story but the other two didn’t question anything about it. “What happened to him? Anyone know?” asked Ohno.

“Yeah, Johnny-san is pressing charges against him for assault and injury sustained. Seems like its being taken to court today, but Shachou said he’ll handle everything so there’s no need to worry Sho-kun,” answered Nino. Everyone else’s work is at a standstill because of me… “Sho-chan, there’s no need to have that guilty look. It’s not your fault and you know it. If it makes you feel any better, we’re just happy there wasn’t any permanent damage done to you,” Aiba smiled at him, finally. He had been quiet the entire time, just watching Sho eat with such a pained expression, but that smile made him feel slightly better.

Even though his band members were supportive, he was sure he had caused trouble to those related to his work. I’ll have to make sure I apologize properly as soon as I get out of here… The only problem was he wasn’t sure when that’ll be.

Author's notes: Hey guys, here's the latest update. I think I'm going on official hiatus on this one since I feel guilty of writing about Sho getting hurt and in pain while he really is in reality. I may wait until he has fully recovered before I pick this up again, so I hope you guys don't mind ^^; It'll give me time to decide where this story's going at the same time~ So until then, I hope this won't leave it too hanging in suspense :3

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CHAPTER NINE
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“Sho-chan, going home already?” he frowned at the sound of it. “Oh, Jun, yeah, just heading home. What’s wrong?” He had to stop himself from laughing out loud. “Ah…mm, nothing, nothing. Classes were tough today, right?” Jun’s eyebrow raised, but there was no comment. “It was. I – Sho, there’s something I’ve been wanting to say to you. Will you hear me out?” He wondered if he could actually do this. “Of course, why wouldn’t I? What’s wrong?” Jun was smiling already, but he wanted to take this seriously.

“Well the truth is…I’ve always…bang!” At this, they finally doubled over with laughter. Sho had purposely read out the sound effect. “Ah, how are we going to do this?” Jun asked, wiping a tear from the corner of his eye. “I can’t be serious delivering these lines. Why is your character Sho and mine Jun?” asked Sho, consulting the script. They were on set right now, alone in the make-up room, but they couldn’t seem to keep a straight face as they read out the lines.

“Sho, I love you. I’ve always loved you,” Sho read a line that was meant to be a thought and they started laughing again. “This sounds so weird. Can’t we ask them to change the names of the characters? Saying ‘I love you’ to your own name sounds cheesy and I’m sure the audience won’t find the story as serious as it’s supposed to be,” Jun pointed out. “But it’d be obvious if we use our own names. Like they wrote the story to accommodate our…relationship,” Sho sighed, dropping himself down onto a chair. “I’m surprised Johnny-san let this story pass. Usually they’d be against this sort of thing,” Jun frowned at the script.

“We have the famous Ohmiya SK in our group. Surely a boy love drama isn’t too farfetched,” he smiled, “It’ll just be on national TV…for everyone to see...and we’ll be saying love lines to each other…” Jun frowned at the thought. Their relationship, even though no one knew about it except for the other members, were going to be made public with this drama. He was starting to doubt his decision in taking this job: not because it was boy love or anything, but because he was solely afraid for Jun. His so-called ‘scandal’ had died down to nothing, making them both relieved, but what if another one comes up and it’s much more serious?

I don’t think I can handle it… Still, neither one of them are wanting to back down from the roles they’ve been given. They started to rehearse again, trying to keep in character as the lines progressed before they were called onto the set. The story itself was sweet: Sho had read the entire script the night before. It revolves around two boys who are about to leave university. Days before graduation, Jun (Sho’s character) decides to confess to his childhood best friend, Sho (Jun’s character). But every time he starts to confess, some strange bad luck would always befall him.

At first, they were small, simple accidents like being interrupted by a classmate mid-sentence, or a bird pooping on his head…then they start to get serious to the point where Jun gets injured. Then the night before graduation, Jun gives up confessing entirely. He wrote a simple letter to his best friend, wishing him luck and happiness in his future life, completely leaving out his feelings. When he goes to deliver it, he gets involved in an accident and ends up in hospital.

Sho, hearing about the accident, rushes over to hear that Jun was dying. He had been run over badly and was now barely hanging onto life. Jun was conscious though hardly even though he was patched up by the doctors. He hands Sho the letter and apologizes that it was ripped in half. In tears, Sho read the letter. Most of the words were smudged except for three characters: ‘Aishite mo ii?’ Sho, in realization to how his best friend felt about him, reached to hug and kiss him, apologizing for not noticing all this time. But there was no response: Jun had quietly slipped away while he had been reading.

The drama ends there, though there was to be a special extended ending, but no one had told them what it was going to involve. They were dressed in their costumes now, for the scenes of the first episode. “Let’s just try with the names that’s written in the script first. If it gets too difficult, we’ll change it,” said Jun, putting on his coat and a pair of silver rimmed glasses. Sho nodded, putting on his dark-coloured blazer and a necklace around his neck. The necklace was a part of the story. The pendant was made by Jun’s character when he was five: a clay circle with Jun’s thumbprint embedded into it and painted silver.

They had to actually do the pendant earlier, where Sho and Jun had fun with clay as the staff could only look on. “Ah, there you two are. Good, you guys look great. Is there anything you’re not too sure about the first scene?” asked Hasegawa. They shook their heads, so shooting got underway. Sho smiled as he watched Jun get ready for the first take, taking up a seat near the monitor as Jun’s face immediately switched over to his character. “Everyone ready? Okay, we’re moving on with our first scene. Quiet on the set! And…action!” called Hasegawa as the cameras start to roll.

It was all he could do to hide his expression as his breath caught in his throat seeing Jun as beautiful as ever.

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He was starting to have a headache. Massaging his temple he looked down at the schedule list again: going out of the country for news coverage, drama shoot, concert rehearsal, solo album promotion, screenings, 3 different TV shows, radio show, new single recording and promotion, dance steps rehearsal for new single…new album… he felt the familiar sharp stab in his head again. They were having him do so many things, all of them almost back-to-back. An idol is expected to go out with smiles and perform to the best of his ability. He had to remind himself of what he had learnt through the years he’s been in the entertainment business.

He hardly has time to see Jun lately, with the other man being busy with his own schedule. They do meet each other during the drama shoot and Arashi’s TV show shoots as well as the concert rehearsals but they hardly had time to spend with each other lately. Rumours have been flying left and right about him and his News Zero female co-star and a part of him wondered how Jun was reacting to it. He had to admit…he had heard rumours about Jun as well but he didn’t want to believe them.

Pushing the long list away from him, he breathed a sigh and grabbed his jacket, taking his leave from the studio. Bowing at the staff members as he passed, he climbed into the van and leaned back tiredly. His phone rang right then: “Sho-chan, how are you?” said a familiar voice on the other end. “Tired…?” he tried to make it sound light but it was obviously failing, “How are you, Aiba-chan?” There was a short laugh before his band member responded, “I’m thinking of going out for drinks, do you want to join me?” He paused to think: he had nothing else scheduled for the rest of the day…though it was already close to 3 in the morning and he had to be up at 7 a.m. later.

He decided to just go for it. Promising to meet Aiba in a bar in the Shinjuku area, the Star’s Dust, he told the driver to drop him off at the front entrance and walked in, hands in pockets. He avoided eye contact with the other patrons of the place, taking up a seat at the bar and ordering a beer. Silently sipping his drink, he slowly looked around to see if he can spot anyone he recognized. A glint of silver from one of the more secluded tables caught his eye, making him turn.

Peering against the dark, he spotted familiar hair though the face was partially blurry. The man was tall, he could tell from the way his legs were crossed, but there was just something about the way he dressed and moved that looked familiar. “Jun…?” he wondered to himself. Thinking he should get a closer look, he got off his stool and carried his beer bottle with him. The closer he got, the more he was sure that it really was his lover sitting there in those blue denim jeans and white T-shirt. He smiled now, raising his hand in greeting when he spotted someone else’s hand on his leg. Frowning, he stopped and peered. It was a female hand…those manicured nails are unmistakable. Probably just his co-worker or something…

He was standing merely a foot away from the table, so his eyes could see everything moving in slow motion. The hand touching Jun’s thigh…the shoulder pressing against Jun’s…the mouth pushing up against Jun’s lips. He froze. Even though he wanted to move away, every muscle was locked up. “Sho..? Oi, Sho-chan! Why are you standing here like this?” a voice finally caught his ears and mechanically turning, he saw Aiba, slightly dishevelled like he had just ran all the way from his apartment.

“Are you okay?” he frowned, seeing his face frozen…probably with a shocked expression. Looking past him, Aiba’s own face froze. “Is that…?” he was about to ask but Sho found his muscles again and made a run for it. He didn’t know what he was thinking at that moment, but he knew he had to get away. “Oi, Sho-chan!” yelled Aiba after him. A blast of night air knocked him in the face, cold compared to the stuffiness of the bar, but he didn’t stop. His legs kept on walking without really much of a direction. He didn’t really know what he was thinking; everything just seemed a blur as he walked past people. He could hear Aiba calling him, vaguely, but he made no move to slow down or even respond.

Finally, a hand grabbed his shoulder and turned him around. “What’s wrong with you?” Aiba asked, out of breath when he finally caught up. They were in a nearby park, Sho could tell that much, and there was hardly anyone around. “You looked like you were possessed or something. What happened?” asked Aiba again. “It…was Jun,” he finally spoke up. “Yeah, I saw that, but why did you run off like that?” his fellow band member asked, pulling him to sit on a nearby bench. “There was a girl with him,” Sho replied. His voice sounded strangely metallic and stiff in his own ears.

“R-Really? Well…maybe it was just a co-worker or something –” Aiba wanted to suggest but the look on Sho’s face told him otherwise. He didn’t really see because it was dark and Sho was partially covering his view. He thought it looked like Jun but he could’ve been wrong. Hearing him say that it was Jun showed that he spotted the right person. “She kissed him,” said Sho now, feeling a sharp stab in his chest having said that out loud.

“Maybe we got the wrong person. Why would MatsuJun…I mean, he won’t do that to you. Let me call him and we’ll ask directly, okay?” Aiba was partially desperate for a way to fix this. He had been looking forward to just having a night on the town with everyone being so busy and everything. He didn’t think he had to console Sho in the middle of the night. Pulling out his phone to dial, Sho’s own mobile rang instead. He pulled it out slowly and stared at the screen. “Who…?” Aiba was about to ask but his question trailed off. It was Jun.

“Answer it,” nudged Aiba, but Sho made no move to pick up the call. Finally, the phone stopped ringing. “Why didn’t you answer it? He could be calling you from the movie set and then you’ll realize this is all a big mistake –” Sho got to his feet, fully animated now as he cut off Aiba’s sentence, “What if it isn’t a mistake? What if what I saw really was Jun kissing a girl? How am I supposed to react?!” Aiba was shocked: he didn’t think Sho would yell at him like that. He scrabbled for words to say, but came up with nothing.

“I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to take it out on you, it’s just – I’m scared, Aiba-chan. What if he realizes that we won’t work out? We haven’t talked to each other for so long, so I don’t know how he feels. For all I know, he wants out,” Sho sat back down again, burying his face in his hands. Slowly, Aiba patted his back in sympathy, still not knowing what the right words to say were. Here was his friend, in the same group as he was, facing a dilemma and he didn’t know how to respond.

Finally, he sighed. “Sho-chan, you know I support what you and MatsuJun have, right? I admit, sometimes I’m a little jealous because since we can’t have public girlfriends, you two will always have each other. You get to see each other and no one suspects a thing. I really do think this is all a big misunderstanding, so maybe you should talk to him directly and ask. It was dark in there, so we couldn’t really tell if it was him,” he spoke slowly, slightly afraid Sho might yell at him again. But he didn’t, instead he stared down at the dark screen of his phone, as if the answer would just magically pop out. Just then, it rang again. ‘Jun’ flashed on the screen.

After about four to five rings, Sho finally picked up. He didn’t say a word of greeting, merely pressed the phone to his ear. Finally, after three minutes of silence, Sho turned. Aiba turned too, following his line of sight to see Jun standing there, dark circles under his eyes and hair all over the place. “Sho…” his voice came out hoarse and pained. Aiba suddenly felt like he was intruding. “I-I’m going to go back to the bar. Boy, am I thirsty. I’ll see you guys later,” he made a quick exit before either one could stop him. His eyes caught Jun’s as he walked past, but no words were exchanged.

Finally, as Aiba’s retreating footsteps faded away, Sho looked up to Jun’s face. “I’m sorry…” Jun said now, gesturing almost helplessly with his hands. “Sorry…” Sho chuckled softly, a bitter sound against the silence, “What are you sorry for, Jun? For going out for drinks? For wanting to be with a girl? For letting her kiss you? What are you sorry for?” Jun’s face strained with pain, even Sho could see it but he was far too angry to let it affect him. “I didn’t know how to talk to you. What am I supposed to say? That I want a normal relationship like everyone else? That things will never work out between us? How am I supposed to – you know, deep down, that this will never work,” again, Jun gestured helplessly.

“At least I’m trying. At least, I try to make things work, to figure things out as I go along, to try and go against what other people think and just love you as a person,” he tried hard not to raise his voice. The pain in his chest was starting to affect his throat and his fingers were shaking. “You’re being unfair, Sho. I understand why you’re upset with me, and I admit I shouldn’t have gone out with anyone else until we’ve cleared this between us,” Jun’s voice was getting agitated too.

“You don’t need my approval. If you feel you need a normal relationship, then it’s fine. I knew this was going to be hard in the first place, but at least I kept working at it. The nights we’ve spent, the words I’ve said…I meant every moment of it. But if it’s not enough for you, who am I to stop you, Jun? You’re right. It would never have worked out between us, I didn’t know what I was thinking when I confessed to you that night. For everything I’ve put you through, I’m the one that’s sorry,” he got to his feet, staring directly into Jun’s eyes, uncaring of what the other man sees and turned to walk away. He didn’t even wait for Jun’s response: his heart couldn’t take anymore.

Whether or not the relationship was over, he didn’t know. All he knew was that he needed a quiet place to just let everything out. Jun was calling his name, he could hear it, but he didn’t turn or respond. It was obvious even to him that Jun didn’t want to make things work out between them. Maybe…we fell into it too hard and too fast… He just kept walking, no sense of direction, no aim on where he’s actually heading, until he reached the other side of the park and onto the main road.

His phone rang again. Peering past the blurriness of his eyes, he thought it was Jun at first, but he was wrong. Picking up, he tried to sound normal. “Sho-kun, how are things going? I heard you went drinking with Aiba-chan. Mind if I join you?” Ohno’s voice sounded so cheerful on the other end. “Ah…I didn’t join him for a drink, something came up and I think I’m heading home. He’s at the bar if you still want to drink with him,” he replied. There was a moment of silence before Ohno replied, “Sho-kun…what’s wrong?”

He had to remind himself of the level of perception his group members have. “It’s nothing, don’t worry about it. I’ll see you in the studio tomorrow, Satoshi-kun,” he tried to get away. “No, I won’t have it. Head back to Aiba-chan, that’s an order. I’ll be there in two minutes,” with that Ohno hung up on him. He stared at his phone for a long time before he felt the utter defeat sink in. He had no choice but to turn back. Still, he hoped he won’t bump into Jun as he made his way back to the Star’s Dust. His steps were slow, as he let his mind settle on what had just happened.

I suppose…it’s over between us. Each thought made his heart sink like lead. Where had it gone wrong? He had thought they were happy just being with each other and seeing where it goes. He thought they were adult enough to discuss every fear with each other. I guess I was wrong. Breathing out another sigh, he walked on, reaching the spot where he had been just five minutes earlier. Everything was the same, except Jun wasn’t there, of course. He didn’t expect Jun to stay there, waiting for him to turn back.

Turning his gaze down to the concrete path under his feet, he figured he might as well find a way to let it go. Jun didn’t want him, it was as simple as that. He had to face that fact, no matter what. Suddenly, someone bumped into his shoulder. “Sorry –” he started, but paused as he saw a creepy-looking man staring down at him. “What’s the hurry, brother?” he asked, taking a hold of his shoulder. “Mm? He looks familiar, doesn’t he?” said another man, slightly smaller but he had a keen look that told Sho he was probably far more dangerous than the one holding him.

“Would you let go of me, please?” Sho tried to remain calm. After all, it was a public area and they shouldn’t be brave enough to create any trouble here. “Hmph, you bumped into me. I hope you have some form of monetary compensation for that,” said the burly one. Monetary compensation? He tried not to frown. “And I apologize for that, but there’s no point in me giving money to you just because of a bump of the shoulder,” he tried again, but the man only tightened his grip. “Did you hear that? He’s trying to get away with it,” he said, his face inching closer to Sho’s.

He could smell the alcohol on the man’s breath. He had to get away, somehow. Thinking fast, he pointed. “The police!” he cried, and feeling the man’s grip loosen slightly, he made a dash for it. He didn’t care where he ran, he just knew he had to get to a place with more people. Heading out of the entrance to the park, he ran down the main street where there were more people milling around. Some were too intoxicated to care, while the others merely frowned as he ran past them. To his relief, he saw the Star Dust’s neon light and immediately turned into the entrance.

Since it was a basement bar, he literally tumbled down the stairs, hitting his back against a table as the customers gasp and yell in alarm. “Trying to get away from us, huh?” the burly man grabbed his collar. “Sho-chan!” he could hear familiar voices yelling his name but the man’s fist came down in a punch. Everything else was just a blur: people yelling, women screaming…but the pain was the only thing he cared about. How ironic…even though it was my face that got hit…but it’s my heart that’s hurting more. Whatever…I don’t care anymore…I don’t –

Everything gradually swayed and shifted before there was nothing but darkness.

Author's notes: Ahhhh...sorry guys! I forgot to post this here when I had already updated over at Aibakaland! Gomennasai!!! Anyway, finally, a not-so-happy-filled-chapter~ I've had this for a while but figured I should wait until I developed a few more chapters before posting, so gomen for the sudden 'hiatus' on this FF minna...besides, I felt sort of guilty posting this up while Sho's injured but since my last update was April... ^^; Be on the lookout for another update of this today, but in the meantime enjoy this one! Thanks always to you guys for reading!!!

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CHAPTER EIGHT
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It was only 5 in the morning…but he was wide awake and staring at the ceiling. Jun had woken him up three hours ago with soft kisses on his face, telling him with such sad eyes that he had to leave for his movie shoot. Everything in him didn’t want to let Jun out of his arms, so he selfishly delayed him for ten minutes by simply refusing to kiss him properly. But in the end, Jun smilingly pressed a key into Sho’s hand, stole one last kiss and left. He brought the key to his line of sight now as Jun’s voice echoed in his head, “For you to see me anytime you like.” He buried his face in a pillow as a stupid grin began to spread, finding Jun’s scent on the pillowcase.

Here he was, in his lover’s apartment, lying naked on his bed with only a thin silk sheet covering his torso, smiling like an idiot. He felt like there’s nothing that could ruin this moment. Sitting in the silence, he stretched his arms and let his mind wander. Just as he was about to drift off to sleep again, a loud ring jolted him awake. Rolling his eyes, he forced himself to get out of bed, wrapping the sheet around his lower half to search for his phone. “Hello?” he answered, unable to get that annoyed tone out of his voice. “Sho-san? I’m sorry to be bothering you this early,” it was his manager on the other end and she sounded distressed.

“What is it?” he felt a strange prickle at the back of his neck, as if warning him of something bad about to happen. “It’s – it’s bad. A tabloid caught pictures of you and it’s creating quite a scandal,” she was flustered, he could tell. There were sounds of papers shuffling on the other end. News of scandal doesn’t faze him anymore: he has been an idol for almost a decade after all. “Calm down, I’m sure it’s just made up. If I’m innocent, there’s no need to get all worried,” he said, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. “The photos are of you entering an apartment…” she replied now. He could feel his blood turn cold: apartment? It can’t be Jun’s apartment, can it? But how could the tabloid have known this is Jun’s apartment…unless the concierge opened his mouth.

“Apartment?” he tried hard to keep calm, to tell himself that there’s no way they could’ve caught him entering this building and know he was with Jun. “Yes, the headline states that you spent the night there…engaged in…uh, activities,” his manager was stuttering now, sounding more nervous by the minute. He couldn’t ignore the knots forming in his abdomen either, but he didn’t want to worry himself for nothing. “This tabloid’s already on sale? Do the pictures have a clear shot of me?” he asked now. There were more paper-shuffling noises before a response, “I can tell your side profile but it’s somewhat obscured. There’s a photo of you here from your Junior days though…”

He had to see it for himself to be sure. “Alright, well, it’s just a tabloid; no one would believe it anyway. Relax, okay? I’m not doing any of those things,” he reassured her. “Y-Yes, well, I didn’t doubt you for a minute, Sho-san. I just thought I’d let you know about it, that’s all. I’m sorry for disrupting your sleep,” she apologized again. He had to laugh and told her its fine. They exchanged goodbyes and hung up.  Relief coursed through him now as he wiped the thin film of sweat off his forehead. That scared me… He had always been careful with his actions in public, knowing that he has more to lose than anyone else. Falling back onto the bed, he was sure that he’s not being paranoid. After all, he has to protect Jun too now.

Pushing himself out of bed after his heart had finally calm down, he decided to take that conversation as a wake up call. He couldn’t afford to be careless, even more so now when everything’s going well for him. Hopping into the shower, he found himself smiling as memories of last night flooded his thoughts. They didn’t speak a word of complaint about the other’s technique…truth be told, they didn’t speak much during the majority of the night. Chuckling to himself at the thought, he washed out his hair from the sweat (I sweated a lot last night). Curiosity made him take a sniff of Jun’s shampoo, feeling light-headed with the familiarity of the scent consisting of mint and a faint essence of lime.

Stepping out of the shower now, he wondered how he was going to go through the rest of the day without smiling like an idiot. He had places to visit and people to interview; he knew he had to retain a serious expression. But with last night’s scenes still playing in his head, he found that he smiling to himself again. “Sho, you have to get it together. What are you going to do if they find out what happened?” he asked himself, looking into a mirror. His reflection nodded at him, “You’re right. We can’t let anything happen to Jun. No one needs to know anything.” Grabbing his phone off the bed and the key Jun gave him, he took a deep breath and stepped out of the apartment.

When he was in the elevator, a thought occurred to him: how was he going to get past the concierge without looking suspicious? He spent the night here…alone with Jun and the concierge knows his face. No, no, just act normal. You’re innocent so there’s no need to hide anything. He straightened his back and walked out normally, ensuring that he give the man at the desk a short bow of the head before proceeding to head out the door. He was glad the concierge only smiled and nodded back instead of stopping him with questions. Pulling his jacket close, he decided to take a train to work. He couldn’t have asked their driver to pick him up at Jun’s apartment now, could he?

Noticing the crowd, he made a detour towards a newsstand and bought a newspaper, partly to catch up on the headlines and partly as a cover. It was then he noticed the tabloid magazine his manager had called him about. Picking it up, he saw the headlines in garish pink: “Sakurai Sho spotted entering unknown apartment. Could there be sex involved?” He was tempted to flip it open to see what the big deal was all about but the store clerk was eyeing him suspiciously. Putting it down again, he hurried into the train before the door closed.

It was only 9, so it was barely after rush hour. Sho could leisurely take up one seat near the door and read his newspaper. He caught up on several stories that he had been particularly interested in, keeping note of them to discuss with his co-workers in News Zero later. Finally, after twenty minutes, he alighted and headed towards the Jimusho office. As soon as he stepped through the door, someone called out his name: “Sakurai-san?” Turning, he spotted the receptionist, waving a piece of paper. “You’re needed in the conference room. Your manager told me to tell you as soon as you arrive,” she said, handing him the note. “Thanks,” he smiled, heading up. Frowning, he wondered what this could be about. He could only hope it has nothing to do with that scandal.

---

He fidgeted with a pen that was on the table, looking from one person to the next. “Why are you looking so nervous? Something wrong?” asked one of the men sitting across from him. He shook his head quickly, wondering what they were waiting for. They didn’t want to tell him what was going on. When he had entered, they had told him to sit down and that they had something very important to discuss.

But that was it. Nothing was being discussed and everyone was busy jotting down notes or reading through papers. Just as he was about to ask, the door swung open and someone walked in. “Jun-kun?” he frowned, seeing a familiar face. A part of him was so proud to see Jun looking partially dishevelled and tired, but still maintaining that professional air.

“Have a seat, Matsumoto-san, and we’ll get started,” said Sho’s manager now. He felt nervous for some reason. This really could have something to do with that scandal after all…could they have found out about us already? “What’s going on?” asked Jun in a low voice. Sho could only manage a shrug: he obviously didn’t know either.

“Now, I’m sorry for calling the both of you here especially with your busy schedules, but we’ve already decided,” said one of the men, who had introduced himself as Hasegawa. He braced himself for some bad news or other. But it never came. Instead, his manager placed two booklets in front of him and Jun. “Aishite-mo ii?” read Jun out loud. Sho was reading the same thing that was printed on the front of the booklet.

“What is this?” Jun asked now. “A drama. We’ve decided to take the both of you as the leading roles. Now, I’m sorry for not informing you about this earlier, but we were observing different people that we thought were suitable and you two matched perfectly to the characters,” replied Hasegawa. “We understand completely if you don’t wish to undertake this project with everything you’ve got going on already,” interjected the man seated beside Hasegawa: Murakami.

“Hasegawa-san is the assistant director and Murakami-san is the writer for this drama,” explained his manager. Sho thought his heart was about to explode in his chest from his nervousness. All for just a drama? “Well, I have no problems doing a drama. My movies have already finished shooting and in the process of editing at the moment. I do have promotions to do in between everything else but it could work out,” Jun smiled as he opened up the script to the first page.

“What’s the story about?” asked Sho now, figuring he should at least be familiar with it first before undertaking it. “Unrequited love. The main character is in love with his best friend but always has trouble expressing it. He has the worst luck in the world though and there will always be something that gets in the way of him confessing,” explained Murakami.

“Love between men? That’s a first,” Jun nodded seriously. It was true: most television dramas stick to normal, heterosexual relationships between a male and female lead. “We’re experimenting with something different, as an approach to the popularity that ‘boy love’ manga has had through the years. It’s a taboo subject to be portrayed but it’s also reality. We’ll inject humour here and there as well to keep things light,” said Hasegawa, “What do you think?”

Sho glanced over at Jun who was looking back at him. “One more question: does this involve skinship at all at any part of the story?” Sho asked what they both were wondering. Hasegawa looked at Murakami now, like someone would when delivering bad news. “There’s only one scene that involves something like that, on the final episode. But nothing indecent,” Murakami spoke slowly at first, but that last line came out quickly as if afraid of being rejected.

Sho looked over at Jun again. “May we discuss this in private for a minute?” asked Jun, getting to his feet. Sho followed suit and they exited the conference room. “What do you think?” Jun asked. He had brought the script out with him and was frowning down at the pages. “I don’t know…risky?” Sho replied. “Mm, but no one knows about us and this might be a good opportunity to change our fans’ image of us being an ‘unlikely pair’. I think I’ll accept,” Jun smiled. “Then, if you’re accepting, I guess I’ll accept too,” Sho agreed.

“Are you sure it’s okay? I don’t want to jeopardize your newscaster career that you have going on right now. A boy love story might…put a dent in your credibility,” Jun looked down again at the script. “But I’m an idol first and foremost. Besides, I never turn down a job if I think I can handle it,” when he realized that Jun didn’t seem convinced, he tried again, “I’d like to work with just you for once. Even if it is a boy love story.”

Finally, Jun looked up at him with a smile. “Then I guess we’ll be working together, ne? Yoroshiku,” he joked. Sho laughed, slinging an arm across Jun’s shoulder as they headed back into the conference room. “We’ll be happy to take on the roles,” Sho said now. Hasegawa and Murakami’s faces lit up with joy: 180 turn from the glum, worried faces they had earlier. “We do have one small condition, though,” Jun spoke up, surprising even Sho.

“Name it, you can have anything,” they said in unison, eagerly. “No love triangle. It’s too common and people can predict it already,” Jun replied. The duo nodded and extended their hands out in excitement. “It’ll be a pleasure working with you two. Filming will start sometime next weekend. I’ll give your managers a call,” said Hasegawa, heading for the door now with Murakami following close behind. “Oh, I should give you a fair warning: there might be cameo appearances every now and again,” he said before the finally left.

They were finally left alone as his manager saw the both of them out. “Did you know about you being in the tabloids?” asked Jun now, still flicking through the script. “Mm, got a call about it this morning. Scared me though…” he stared at the table in front of him, feeling relieved that the meeting wasn’t about any scandal. “I got scared too. Someone mentioned it in the make-up room on set. I got a chance to look at the magazine though…turns out it was nothing at all. Still, if they had caught us together…” Jun trailed off.

"I know..." Sho nodded. He reached over slightly and squeezed Jun's hand as if to reassure him. Jun smiled and squeezed his fingers back before they released their hold. "Yoroshiku," they said in unison. After a pause, they replied, "Kochira koso," at the same time, making the other laugh. Aishite-mo ii... 'May I love you...' huh? 

---

Author's note: Okay, no smut this time XD;; Things are more or less back to normal for now...well, except the whole dorama idea :P I have to admit, the first part of the chapter was partially inspired by the whole 'Sho-scandal' scare. I just found it ironic that after I had posted the steamy previous chapter, a scandal story pops up XD Does that mean that if I write about a dorama, there'll be an actual drama with Sakumoto in it??? ( O w O ) Ah, the imaginations of a fangirl~~~ Enjoy this one, minna~ *chu*

WARNING: This chapter is NOT for minors. Don't say I didn't warn you.

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CHAPTER SEVEN
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He wasn’t sure if he was dreaming but a faint, delicious smell wafted to his nose. I can never remember dreams, so this must be real...I think. He tried to open his eyes, but they seemed unwilling to respond. Breathing in the smell again, his stomach grumbled. Finally, he managed to get his eyelids open to see a blurry cream-coloured ceiling. “Ugh...this feels worse than a hangover,” grumbled Sho, pressing a hand to his forehead. Everything seemed hazy yet strangely sharp at the same time. Allowing his vision to focus, he heard Jun’s voice from faraway, “I’m sorry if I woke you.” Sho waved a hand, squeezing his eyes shut but couldn’t find words to say as dizziness took over.

“Are you okay?” Jun’s voice sounded nearer now and when he opened his eyes almost painfully, he saw dark features creased into a concerned frown. “I’m fine. Just not used to waking up at odd times of the day like this, that’s all,” Sho tried to smile to convince Jun that he was fine, but it didn’t seem like it worked. “Here, drink this. It’ll get some of that tiredness out of you,” Jun handed him a glass of something, helping him to sit up. Sho took a sip and pulled away again almost immediately, “Ugh, bitter!” His face scrunched up in response to the drink attacking his tongue and nose. “It’s herbal tea. Just drink it,” Jun pushed. Defeated, he gulped down two mouthfuls and handed the glass back. He managed something incoherent while Jun headed back to the kitchen with a satisfied smile.

 He wasn’t sure if it was the tea or waking up to see Jun’s face looking at him with such concern, but he felt a strange force of energy now. Pushing to get himself up, he managed to wander over to the kitchen where Jun was busy cooking something. Glancing at his watch, it took everything in him not to yell out the time. I’ve been sleeping for almost seven hours straight! It was almost 8 in the evening and he wondered what Jun had been doing during the time he slept. “I’m sorry,” Sho felt he had to apologize. After all, this wasn’t his house and he felt rude for sleeping so long. He had intended to take just a short nap...

Jun laughed now, pointing to a bottle of oyster sauce with his elbow. “Pass me that, would you?” he said. Still feeling guilty, he handed the sauce to Jun without a word. “Its fine, Sho-san. You’ve been up for almost 48 hours, so it’s understandable that you’ll sleep like that. It’s nothing to feel apologetic or guilty for,” Jun glanced over his shoulder with a smile before returning to his cooking, “I know you said we’ll decide if we want to eat in or head out for dinner, but I figured we might as well eat here. After all, it’s not every day that I get to cook for you.” Sho could feel his ears burning in embarrassment: it sounded almost like something a wife would say.

“Y-Yeah, it smells great. I woke up because my stomach was grumbling...” he admitted, which made Jun laugh again. “I’ve drawn a bath so you can take one first, while I finish cooking and then we can eat. Would you like to watch TV or something while we have dinner?” asked Jun now. Sho shook his head, “Well, I don’t normally watch TV while eating, but if you want to catch up on a show or something, I have no problems with it.” Jun nodded with a short ‘mm’ before directing him to the bathroom. He felt strangely surreal now as he stripped out of his clothes and into a bathrobe in Jun’s immaculately clean bathroom decorated with white, black and gold, moving slowly almost as if he was still dreaming.

Realization was slow to hit him: this was his first time being with Jun together in his apartment, alone. Normally, there would be Aiba and Nino and Captain, but this time...it was just him and Jun. His heart was pounding hard against his chest as his imagination ran wild with what might happen if they get too drunk or he loses control or... The hot water against his skin reminded him that no matter what happens, Jun was still his group member. No matter what, he can’t afford to have awkwardness grow between them. And he will not be responsible for ruining Jun’s career. He just wouldn’t be able to face himself if anything like that happens.

Dunking his face into the water, he scrubbed his cheeks with the palms of his hands, as if he was trying to get that reminder to stick in his head. Pulling his face out of the water again, he breathed a deep sigh. Things couldn’t be more complicated. I thought things like this only happen in manga or movies... But at the very least, he was happy. All the girls who rejected him before he became famous, all the girls that wanted him after he became famous...none of that even mattered when Jun loves him. Jun loves me... the thought made him grin like an idiot again. Despite not being able to say it upfront, just the thought made him feel like he could face anything.

Pulling himself out of the tub, he felt rejuvenated with that reminder solidifying itself in his head. No matter what happens, I’m staying by his side.

----

Dressed and refreshed, he headed out into the living area to see Jun pouring two glasses of red wine. Offering one to him with a silent smile, Sho could only accept the beverage with a meek nod of the head. He felt strangely spoilt by the younger man, though he won’t say it. Helping with the dishes, they settled to having their meal in front of the TV where Jun said he wanted to catch up on a drama that he had been watching. “A drama? Do you normally watch dramas at home?” asked Sho, more curious than anything else, receiving a short chuckle as a response. “Yes, is it that strange? I’ve been keeping up with various dramas. Call it ‘studying’,” grinned Jun, taking a seat beside him and turning the TV on.

Sho looked down at the plates of freshly-cooked food: salad with a light dressing, warm slices of bread smothered with garlic butter and the main dish, Fettuccini Romano ala Fratelli. As he placed some pasta onto a plate for Jun, he heard a familiar line, “Taiyo-sensei!” Shocked, he looked up to see none other than himself on screen. “W-What…?” he started but Jun was fixated on the story, movingly only slightly to sip his wine. He could feel his cheeks burn: Jun was watching his old drama, Yoiko no Mikata which was shot a few years ago back in 2003. Handing a plate over, Jun finally turned and smiled, dark eyes glittering. Sho could only smile back, but it still felt unnerving to hear himself on TV.

Focusing on the food in front of him instead, he kept his head down as he stared at the pasta swirling amidst sauce. It was undeniably delicious the moment it touched his tongue, but knowing that Jun was so focused on watching the drama, he didn’t exclaim, “Umai!” like he usually would to avoid startling his group member. However, each bite he took was tender and full of flavour. “You’ve been quiet, something wrong with the food?” a voice startled him, making him look up with his mouth half-full. Shaking his head quickly, he chewed and swallowed before answering, “No, there’s nothing wrong with the food! It’s delicious! Maximum!” Jun’s laugh told him he was overreacting again, “Just asking, you looked like you were really concentrating on your plate.”

“Ah…well…” was all Sho could manage but Jun turned his attention back to the screen. They finished off their meal just as the episode reached its climax now, the screen showing a little boy with tears in his eyes. Sho slowly swirled and sipped his wine, feeling slightly more comfortable watching himself act, though he could be partially lulled by his full stomach and the drink. Normally, he doesn’t watch his own dramas because he feels his acting skills are mediocre and awkward, so this is a new experience for him. Movement at the corner of his eye caught his attention and turning, he saw Jun wiping his face. Setting his glass down quickly, he grabbed Jun’s shoulder to see the younger man crying.

“W-What’s…?” Sho started but realized that he was so moved by the drama’s story that he cried. He wiped his tears quickly and almost embarrassedly as the credits started to roll and their song ‘Tomadoinagara’ echoed through the living room. “I-I’m sorry…” Jun apologized as he quickly got to his feet to switch the TV off and started clearing dishes. Before Sho could react, Jun sped off toward the kitchen with the stacked plates and glasses. Despite his heart beating rapidly in his chest, Sho actually felt calm as he counted to ten. Then slowly, he got up from the couch and almost sauntering, he approached Jun who was standing in front of the sink with the water going at full blast.

Without a word, Sho gently wrapped his arms around Jun’s waist, pressing his hands flat against the front of Jun’s sweater and leaned his cheek against Jun’s warm shoulder. He could feel the other man’s body trembling slightly but still he didn’t say anything. “S-Sho…” whispered Jun, as the room finally grew silent after he turned the tap off. “Yes, Jun?” he replied, still holding onto him. “I-I didn’t mean to…” Jun started but trailed off. Releasing Jun long enough to turn him around, Sho smiled as he saw Jun’s face wet with his tears. “Didn’t mean to what? We all know you cry easily anyway…how long have we known each other?” asked Sho, pulling a thumb gently across Jun’s cheek.

“I-I know but…” Jun started, but again, he ended up trailing off as his eyes strayed to the floor. “Hey, it’s not like we’ve just met or anything, right? There’s really no reason for me to think any less of you,” said Sho, tilting Jun’s face to make their eyes meet. Finally, Jun smiled as he pressed his forehead to Sho’s almost gratefully. “Thank God it’s you,” he said with a hint of relief. “That’s my line,” Sho replied as he brushed his lips against Jun’s. The familiar thrill ran up his spine, while Jun’s hand ran through the back of his hair. He could feel his skin prickle with goosebumps as Jun’s mouth travelled down his chin and leave a hot trail down his neck.

“J-Jun…” he managed to gasp, tilting his head to the side to give him easier access. When he stopped, Sho saw Jun’s eyes were full of curiosity mixed with seduction. Without another word, Jun grabbed his wrist and led him through the house and into his bedroom. Before Sho barely had time to admire the décor, Jun turned and kissed him again, this time hard as he pressed Sho against the back of the closed door. His hands roamed all over Jun’s warm skin underneath that sweater, while Jun’s was busy unbuttoning his shirt. “Wait, wait…” Sho interrupted making them stop. “Something wrong?” asked Jun, looking slightly hurt.

“I don’t really know how to ask this without sounding weird but…have you…ever done…?” Sho gestured to the two of them. Slowly, Jun shook his head, the fear that he had been keeping silent finally surfacing. He released his hold on Sho and wandered over to a chair, where he buried his face in his hands. “No…I mean…I have but…not with…” his sentences came out broken as he tried to scrabble for words. Sho sighed, though there was a hint of a smile, “Me neither. So I’d like to make a suggestion if that’s okay?” The other man merely waited for him to continue on. Sho smiled just a little wider as he slowly walked over to Jun. “Let’s take this slow, okay?”

Jun’s worried face turned into a smile as he nodded, hands returning to unbuttoning the rest of Sho’s shirt. “You still have this on? I thought you’ve removed it already?” asked Jun, fingers caressing Sho’s belly button stud. “Only for our photo sessions with magazines. I still wear it underneath my clothes,” he replied, feeling a sudden shiver brush up his spine as Jun’s tongue flicked the stud. “I’ve always thought it was sexy,” said Jun, looking up with a grin. Despite feeling unnerved at this new experience, Sho felt strangely calm…almost intoxicated by the situation. At this moment, his mind is only processing what his eyes are seeing: his body the one that’s doing all the moving.

He went on his knees in front of the still-sitting Jun and kissed him again, hands slowly travelling up into his sweater to caress his curved hips, moving up his waist, around his back before reaching his nipples. “Cold?” Sho teased as he swiped a thumb across one. “Mean,” retorted Jun though smiling as he nuzzled Sho’s neck. Before long, they moved over to Jun’s double bed with its black (I think it was black) silk covering. They took their sweet time, uncaring about whether it was the ‘right technique’ or not as they explored each other’s bodies. “Do you always sleep in pyjamas when you’re at home?” Sho asked, running his hand across the sheets.

Jun, who was wearing only his boxers and dimming down the lights, turned with a grin, “No…I usually don’t wear anything.” Sho had to bite his lip as he muffled a groan: the image of Jun lying here naked every night was so vivid in his head that it was almost painful. He was only in his boxers too, partially covered by a thin layer of silk, though it really wasn’t hiding anything…not to Jun at least. Getting fully under the covers, Jun smiled, “Let me do it first, okay?” Sho really couldn’t argue; after all, he wasn’t really sure what he was doing anyway. Leaning his head back against the pillows, he laid still and let Jun’s hands explore, feeling his spine shiver as the warmth travelled toward the area covered by his boxers.

He could feel the silk caress him as Jun removed the only article of clothing he had left before a firm grip took hold of him. “C-Careful…” he stuttered, worried that this sensation might make him lose control. “Don’t worry,” Jun’s voice reassured him. It was dark enough for him to barely make out Jun’s outline, huddled underneath the silk but because the sheets were covering his lower half, he couldn’t see what Jun was doing. Merely feel. A soft groan escaped his lips now as he could feel Jun’s fingers stroking him gently. “Jun…” he whispered, his fingers scrunching the sheets under him as he tried to maintain control.

There was no stopping it though as he felt a sudden warm and moist sensation underneath those sheets. His breath was coming out in short gasps in amidst moans now as he found that he couldn’t take it any longer. “J-Jun!” his voice echoed through the room as his back arched and his eyes squeezed shut. When the pressure had lessened, he lay flat on his back, out of breath and sweating. He didn’t know when Jun emerged from under the sheets but his hardly-comprehending mind saw the outline of a grin on his face. “That was good?” he asked. Sho wanted to answer, but found that he couldn’t form words. Good is the last word I’d use. But Jun didn’t take any offense in Sho’s silence at all; rather, it seemed he was satisfied with it.

The night wore on as they took turns, feeling a sense of wonder and not to mention closeness they would’ve never had if they were just friends. They caressed and explored, teasing and kissing every inch of each other, making the other writhe and cry out in ecstasy. They lost all knowledge of time being in the darkness. Despite him being non-poetic in any sense, if he was to describe this moment, the term ‘celebration of the senses’ comes to mind. There was no pretence, no expectations…just simply being. They were lying in each other’s arms now, breathless. Jun was on his chest while he draped one arm around the younger man’s shoulder.

“Are you okay?” Sho had to ask, finally able to form something coherent. “More than okay, obviously,” came Jun’s cheeky response. A short silence ensued before Jun spoke again, “Can I ask you something?” Sho frowned in the dark, his fingers tracing little circles on Jun’s arm, “Of course. You can ask me anything.” Again, a short moment of silence. It was almost as if Jun was trying to find the right words to ask. “D-Do you…feel weirded out by this?” the question finally came. Even though Jun sounded unsure, Sho didn’t feel surprised by the question. “What do you mean by ‘weirded out’?” he responded with his own question.

“Well…you know…not being with a woman,” Jun’s voice sounded vulnerable, almost afraid. Sho hugged him closer, trying to reassure him, “Of course not. I was the one who told you I liked you, remember? If you ask me, that’s weird in society’s eyes already.” Jun wrapped his arm around Sho’s waist, nuzzling his nose against Sho’s chest. “I know…but…what if – what if they find out about…us?” It was then that Sho realized: Jun was trying really hard to voice out his fears. He had assumed all this time that Jun was okay with this, with their relationship, but he never thought that his lover would have it much harder than himself.

“Jun…look at me,” he said now, making Jun look up at him. Despite it being dark, Sho could still see him and caressed the side of Jun’s face gently. “I’m not leaving. This isn’t a one-time thing. I’m serious about how I feel about you and we’ll decide what happens in its own time, okay? I fear just as much as you but there’s no need for you to hide it. If you feel that something’s not okay, just tell me. That’s what I’m here for,” Sho had to reassure him. After all, they were doing something that might jeopardize the both of them, not to mention their group and their families.

“Okay…” Jun said, pressing his cheek to Sho’s hand, “I’ll try to be more open with how I feel about this.” Sho smiled as Jun went back to lying on his chest, “Good.” While they were entertaining their own thoughts, Jun spoke again, “Can I ask another question?” Sho, who was about to drift off to sleep, managed a response, “Hm?” Jun looked up at him, one hand on his stomach, “Who’s the girl in this relationship then?” That made Sho laugh as he launched a tickling attack on Jun. “W-What are you doing – stop! No, don’t --!” Jun protested in amidst laughter. When Sho finally ceased, he was hovering on top of Jun with a smile on his face. “We’ll take turns, deal?” he replied, making Jun laugh. “Fine…I still think you’d be the better girl though,” replied Jun. Sho retorted by attacking him with kisses now, while Jun could only helplessly laugh.

When they were out of breath again, Sho pressed his forehead to Jun’s. “Jun…” he started, feeling a lump form in his throat. “Yes?” Jun replied. “I…I love you.” There, I’ve finally said it. The one word I thought I’d never say. There was a moment of silence and Sho thought Jun fell asleep or something but when he pulled away slightly, he saw the tears glittering in Jun’s dark eyes. “I love you too, Sho,” he replied, his voice soft. His heart swelled as he kissed Jun; a long, deep kiss that solidified everything he felt for the other man.

I love you, Jun…so very much.

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Author's notes: Okay, first of all, gomen. I haven't updated my Vox in ages and I blame the shoutbox over at Arashian. I've found myself chatting to other Arashi fans and I've been addicted to the thing. If u wanna join me to chat, you can go here, it's a temporary chatroom I set up while the shoutbox is down. Anyone can enter, so come and join me! ^^ (Note: you need Java to get it working) Secondly, gomen yet again. This isn't a chapter for minors (you had been warned way earlier) and this solidifies the warning. Of course, I'm not the type of author to be too graphic since I like my readers to 'fill-in-the-blank' themselves, but this chapter's dangerous any way I look at it ^^;; Third, I hope you enjoy this particularly long chapter...especially for the new and old Sakumoto fans ;D When Sho said, "There I said it. The one word I thought I'd never say." The 'one word' I meant is when the Japanese say 'Aishiteru' just so you know, ne? Yosh, I'll update with more once my Muse strikes again! Sarada-bar~ (if you've watched AnS with Kyain, you'll know this joke :P)

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CHAPTER SIX
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He buried his head in his hands, feeling the tiredness sink in. It was close to 5 in the morning and he was still at work. Who else would be up at this ungodly hour? Looking back up again, he could see the staff sleeping in their chairs, some with papers covering their faces, others with their caps. Leaning his head back, he tried to relax. Finally, this is the day. “Sho-san, will you be needing me for anything else tonight?” asked his manager, who had insisted on staying with him. “I’m fine, you should go home and rest,” he smiled. “Alright. Good night, Sho-san. Good luck,” she tried hard to give him a bright smile, but he knew just how drained she was. He managed a smile back and watched her leave.

With a big sigh, he pulled out his phone to send a text message: “Still at the studio. I'm so tired, but there's no time to rest...I hope I'm not disrupting your sleep. I know how grumpy you can get when you're awakened for no reason. :)” Hitting ‘send’, he leaned his tired head back, feeling the fluorescent light burning his eyes. How he wished to be at home right now...or in Jun’s arms and sleeping with him. Shaking his head from such thoughts, he forced himself to focus. I don’t have time to be thinking like that. In only a few hours, they were going to make the big announcement in the morning news, and he has to be prepared for it.

Suddenly, his phone beeped, indicating an incoming message. “Don't push yourself too hard. You'll need energy for later. I'm up, revising lines,” there was a long space before a short sentence at the end, “I miss you.”  That made him smile like an idiot. Pressing a number on his speed dial, he decided to call instead. “Moshi moshi?” answered Jun’s deep voice on the other end. “Ah, moshi mosh, am I bothering your line revision?” asked Sho, heading out of the room in case he woke his staff up. “No, if the phone didn’t just ring, I would’ve fallen asleep. What are you doing still at the studio?” asked Jun now. “Mm, it’s the launching date today so I have to get things ready in time for the morning news’ announcement. Isn’t it a little late to be revising lines? What time do you have to be on set?” asked Sho, checking the clock again. It was 5:15 in the morning.

“Mm, actually, I woke up at 5 to go over my lines again. I have to be on location at 6 since make-up takes at least an hour before shooting. Are you sure you’ll be okay? Do you have any other work later?” Jun’s voice had a note of concern, making him smile. “Yeah, but that’s normal. I can probably sneak in a few minutes of sleep here and there. Don’t worry, I’ll be okay. Well, I should let you get back to your lines. I’ll see you later okay?” Sho didn’t want to stay on the phone too long, with his work nagging at him. “Alright, take care of yourself there. I don’t want you collapsing from exhaustion, ne? Ja, mata ne, Sho-san,” said Jun. “Mm, mata. Oh, and Jun?” Sho swallowed before he replied, “I miss you too.” Jun gave a short chuckle before they exchanged goodbyes.

It felt amazing to him that it had already been almost a month since that night in Tokyo Tower, but everything remained the same, except his relationship with Jun was getting much more comfortable. He found that because of their youngest member’s sensitivity, Sho can talk about anything and Jun would pay him every ounce of attention. They had fought once due to differences of opinion, but then things were okay again. It occurred to him then, after their first fight that he couldn’t possibly have the same relationship with someone else the way he has with Jun. Any other person would argue with him and refuse to apologize because of pride or something irrelevant like that, but Jun was courageous enough to fight with him, and after only ten minutes, was able to see eye-to-eye with him again, accepting his own opinion as well as Sho’s mutually.

He respected Jun a whole lot more now that they were honest with each other. Despite the other members knowing, they still felt like they should continue addressing each other with the occasional honorific, although there were times when they just call each other by name. Heading back into the recording room, he grabbed tapes and mixes, giving them a listen while he let the others continue their sleep. Making small notes here and there, he felt happier after speaking to Jun, despite the time. Once he was done listening, he finished off his ‘thank you’ note and proceeded to clean everything up. Suddenly, one of the staff members stirred. “Oh, Sho-kun, I’m sorry. I fell asleep while you were still awake! Ah, we should get moving, it’s almost time for the announcement!” Ken, the audio engineer started to panic, but Sho just smiled.

“What are you worried about? We’ve finished everything. There were just a few minor details left to figure out, but other than that, everything’s settled. Besides, I’m pretty happy with what we already have,” Sho chuckled. “Ah, but...you’re right. Are there still changes you’d like to make?” asked Ken now. “Yep, I’ve written them right here. You can choose which you’d like to change, but this is just my own input. Okay, I need to head out to get ready for my interview. Are you going to be okay in handling this?” he asked, grabbing his bag and getting to his feet. “Are you kidding? Just leave it to me. I’ll get it done to your specifications, Sho-kun. Good luck for that interview, ne?” Ken gave him a small salute as Sho nodded, thanking him for his hard work and heading out of the studio.

He had only an hour to get to the TV studio and get ready. I hope my nervousness doesn’t get the best of me today...

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“Right, let’s welcome a very special guest today: Arashi’s Sakurai Sho!” announced Hatori, the host for the morning show. Fixing his sleeve, he went out with as bright of a smile as he could muster, knowing he must look like hell. “Good morning. Yoroshiku onegai shimasu,” he bowed to the hosts. The problem for this particular show is that they told him it’ll be live on air, so he can’t screw anything up and has to be constantly alert. “Actually, Sakurai-san has been rather busy lately, haven’t you?” asked Hatori now, jumping straight into the interview. “Yes, I’ve been travelling to cover stories for News Zero and keeping up with Arashi’s members when it comes to work,” he answered. They asked him all sorts of things about News Zero and what made him decide to become a newscaster. “Well, I wanted to do something that no one from our Jimusho has done and since I’m interested in the news, I thought this would be the right path to take. I didn’t think they’d consider me seriously, but I’m glad they did,” Sho answered.

“You see? This is the reason why I love Arashi. Every member has their own special talent and are not afraid to show it,” said Hatori to his co-hosts. The ladies laughed while Sho could only manage a grin. It was known to him and the rest of his members that Hatori Shinichi was a big fan of theirs and often gets excited when they’re called for an interview. Hatori was speaking to him now, “You’re doing something else right now that no one in amongst your group members have done, aren’t you?” It was his cue for his big announcement: “Yes, I’m releasing a solo album on my birthday.” He had to grin as soon as the words came tumbling out of his mouth. The reactions on their faces was priceless.

“A solo album? Eh, so does that mean you’re removing yourself from Arashi?” asked a shocked Hatori. “No, no, no, of course not, Hatori-san. I’ve been experimenting with my own style and tastes in music, which have only been heard by my listeners on my radio show. Since I had enough to fill an album, I thought I’d release it. It’s still under our label, JStorm and there’s really no reason for me to go solo completely,” he explained. There was relief all around and he could see it even on some of the staff’s faces. “That was a shock. I thought Arashi was going to split up,” Hatori breathed a (slightly dramatic) sigh of relief. “Sakurai-san, what’s the title of your upcoming album?” asked one of the female co-hosts. Sho smiled as he held up the completed CD with album art proudly, “It’s called Just Sho, or JS for short, and it’ll be released on the 25^th of January, which happens to be my 26^th birthday.”

Just Sho: album art

2 comments

If he had to choose a word to describe their expressions, the term ‘marvel’ comes immediately to mind. They were simply marvelling at the CD as they passed it from one host to the other before it was returned to him. He could hear one of the tracks being played in the background. “Happy birthday in advance,” they bowed to him before Hatori continued, “You’re the main rapper of Arashi, so you are into hip-hop and rap type of music, right?” He returned their bow with a wide smile. “Thank you. Yes, I like all sorts of styles, since each one is distinct, but I find rap the most interesting style to sing,” he replied. “Ah, because you can trip over words and such, right? Have you ever tripped up when you rap? Or accidentally bitten your tongue?” asked Hatori now, while the studio laughs. “Actually, I have on many occasions. Rapping is harder than most people think, even though I write most of the rap lyrics myself. That’s the reason why I need to practice my rap part a lot,” Sho smiled.

The ladies asked Sho to teach Hatori a rap or two now, making him laugh. “I’m not sure whether he’s up to it.” Hatori shook his head, ready and willing to try his hand at rapping. “Okay, but it’s not going to be easy. I have a lyric card for Sakura Sake here and I’d like Hatori-san to sing this part,” Sho pointed out his rap that’s written on the card. As the show went for a short commercial, the ladies watched as he taught Hatori the rhythm and lyrics while the staff play the music in the background. “This is hard,” said the host as his co-stars laughed. Finally, the show returned on air. “Right, now it’s time to watch Hatori-san perform. Hatori-san, if you please!” said one of the ladies.

Sho stood to the side as the stage was cleared for Hatori’s ‘rap debut’. The song came on and he held tightly to the lyric card, waiting for his cue before jumping straight in: ““Migi e narae” kara fumidasu kono ippo wo, Utta ten ga – ahh!” he messed up the rhythm causing the studio to laugh. “This is so difficult, ne?” said Hatori now, “I actually bit my tongue!” The studio laughed again as Sho patted him on the shoulder, “It’s not bad for a first-timer.” Soon, they wrapped up the interview and the show, thanking him for his appearance and hard work. He promptly did the same as they walked him out of the studio set. “You can be sure I’ll buy a copy of this too. Rap is interesting, isn’t it?” said Hatori now as the staff removed his microphone.

“It is once you get used to the rhythm of the song and technical stuff like that. If my kind of music suits your taste, Hatori-san, please by all means purchase a copy. I’ll be happy to sign it for you as well,” Sho bowed to him before he thanked the staff once again. His driver was waiting to whisk him off to another show on the other side of the city. Breathing a sigh of relief, he leaned his head back as the van started to move. Knowing that it’ll take them about two hours to get to the next studio, Sho closed his eyes in hopes of sneaking in a few minutes of sleep. It was hardly past ten but his eyes hurt from the sunlight. Just as he was about to drift off, his phone vibrated against his leg. “Hai, Sakurai desu,” he answered without bothering to look at the number on the screen, his voice dragged out like he was hung over.

“Sho-san, how did it go?” said a familiar voice. “Oh, Jun! Ah, it was fine. I made the announcement without screwing up,” he perked up slightly. It was always nice to hear Jun’s deep voice in his ear, no matter what time of the day it is. “I’m glad. Where are you now?” he asked. Sho rubbed his eyes as he looked around, “Somewhere near the University of Tokyo. I’m on my way to do another show, but I’m just happy that this one would be pre-recorded for a later airing time.” Jun chuckled in his ear, “Otsukaresama deshita.” He had to smile, he never knew such simple words that he hears every day would have so much meaning when it came from someone he loved. “Still a long way to go for your shooting?” he asked. “Mm, we’re just about wrapping up for the day. Tomorrow’s shoot will be at 3,” Jun sounded regretful.

“3? Like 3 in the morning?” asked Sho with a frown. “Yeah...the director wants the right lighting at dawn so with all the setting up and make-up, it’ll have to be 3 in the morning,” said Jun, “But the good news is, I’m free for the rest of the day. Would you like to have dinner with me?” Again, Sho grinned widely. “Sure. I’ll see you at your place, is that alright? We can decide later if we want to eat in or go somewhere,” he said. Jun agreed and they hung up. With the call giving him a burst of energy, he was glad to find that he was nearing the studio now.

Through a whirlwind of hours, he was relieved to hear his manager say, “That’s all for today, Sho-san.” He wanted to jump for joy, but tiredness kept him from doing anything except smiling. Practically pushing himself back into the van, he told the driver to drop him off near Tokyo Dome, saying that he’ll make his way home from there. “Are you sure? You look tired and you might collapse in the middle of the street,” said the driver now. Sho smiled as he shook his head, “It’s alright. I have an appointment with a friend anyway, so it’s fine. Without another word, he was driven toward the place he requested. His eyes felt heavy and sore, but his heart was beating in his chest so hard, it was keeping him awake.

“Thanks, I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said to the driver and got out. Tokyo Dome was almost deserted, save a few people walking around in the bleak January weather, hurrying to get to someplace warmer. Without another thought, he walked, heading past shops and buildings towards Koishikawa Shokubutsu-en, the botanical garden near Jun’s apartment building. His steps grow somewhat anxious as he drew near to the tall, dark-glassed building that was reflecting the gold sunlight, making his eyes sting. He wondered why he felt self-conscious when he’s just visiting his band member’s place, but if the paparazzi or the media were to find out...

Pulling his cap lower over his eyes, he stuffed his hands into his pockets and headed up to Jun’s apartment. Nodding to the guard at the front entrance, he made a beeline to the elevators. Since Arashi have been here countless times for New Year’s and birthday celebrations and get-well-soon visits, the guard knew him well enough not to stop him or issue him a visitor’s pass. Reaching the 14^th floor, he breathed a sigh as he stepped out onto the lush carpeted hallway. Despite them leading separate lives, Jun was one of the first to live out on his own, making him the most independent out of the five of them in terms of not living with his family.

He stood in front of Apartment 14J, which Sho finds amusing every time he sees the plaque on the door. Jun had scouted an apartment for himself with specific criteria, exhausting even the real estate consultant. Finally, he was happy with this one and he proudly invited the other four for a housewarming party. They laughed at the fact that his door bore his initial, saying that if he wanted to be found out by his stalkers, it would be easy to guess which apartment he stayed in. Sho smiled as he stared at the black-painted door with its golden handle. Somehow just seeing the door itself made him feel warm. “Sho? I’m sorry, I didn’t think you’d be early. You didn’t have to wait at the door.” Turning, Sho smiled to see Jun walking down the hallway, dressed in black from head to toe.

“It’s alright, I figured it’d be safer up here anyway instead of hanging around the lobby,” he replied. Jun removed his sunglasses and opened the door, letting Sho enter. “Sorry for intruding,” said Sho politely as he took off his shoes and slipped into Jun’s comfortable house slippers. “You look like hell,” commented Jun, shutting the door. He couldn’t come up with a good retort, so merely smiled as he collapsed onto a nearby couch. “I feel like hell too...does that sentence even make sense?” Sho laughed as he rubbed his throbbing temples slowly with his fingers. “It’s still early, you know. You can use my room to sleep if you want,” offered Jun. Sho smiled, tempted by the offer, but all his bones felt like lead.

“Nope, here’s where I fell, here’s where